Adapt your role when a loved one moves to a new living environment

Has your loved one recently moved to a new living environment? It is normal for you to ask yourself questions and for this transition to be emotionally charged, both for you and your loved one. Here is some advice to help you better understand and manage this new stage.

Making the decision to move a loved one to a new living environment can be difficult. As a caregiver, it is normal for you to feel a wide range of emotions. They can vary depending on the relationship you have with your loved one and the circumstances of their move. Here are some emotions you might be experiencing.

• Worry: You might feel worried about your loved one’s safety and well being now that they no longer live with you or near you. You might wonder if the health care staff are taking good care of your loved one and if they are adjusting to their new environment.
• Guilt: After having spent time with your loved one, you might feel guilty that they are moving to a new living environment. You may be wondering if you made the right decision.
• Sadness: Having to separate from a loved one with whom you have lived part of your life or with whom you had interactions every day can leave a big void in your daily life. It is an important life change and it is quite normal for you to feel sad.
• Relief: You might feel some relief after your loved one has moved. You may have spent a lot of time taking care of them and supporting them. Knowing that they will receive the care and support they need in an appropriate environment can reassure you and take a burden off your shoulders.
• Stress: Moving a senior to a new living environment can be a stressful time for you, as it comes with many difficult steps and choices. You may have felt discouraged by the preparations for the move, the administrative formalities and the necessary adjustments, and then by the void left by your loved one’s absence. You may also feel stressed because of the distance, the tasks that have to be done and reconciling your work, your family and your role as a caregiver.
• Feeling of loss: You might feel that you have lost your primary role as a caregiver or that things will never be quite the same again. You may also think that you have failed to take care of your loved one.

Each caregiver can experience different emotions in this situation. It is important to recognize them, to embrace them and to give yourself space to express them. If necessary, ask for support from a resource or your support network to help you through this transition period.

Your loved one’s move to a new living environment means your responsibilities will change significantly. You may now have to take on new tasks.

As a caregiver, you will be able to continue to offer emotional support to your loved one by visiting them in their new living environment, talking to them on the telephone or sending them messages. If your loved one wants, you could also give them news about the family and the neighbourhood so that they can feel in touch with their family environment.

During your visits, you could vary activities depending on your and your loved one’s interests:

• listen to music;
• read the newspaper aloud;
• play cards;
• do a puzzle,
• take a walk;
• etc.

This will help provide a source of comfort and reduce feelings of loneliness.

You could also participate in daily tasks such as dressing, meals, shopping, etc. If you wish, talk to the staff in the new living environment about your loved one to see if you can participate in care activities such as washing their hair or helping with personal care.

You could also accompany them to activities in their new living environment. This will help them connect with other residents. Adopt their pace and have realistic expectations. You may also need to take a step back to help them socialize. It’s up to you to determine if your presence encourages them to connect with other people or if you feel like they are clinging to you.

Finally, if you wish, you could get involved in the community by participating in recreational activities or by considering volunteering for outings or visits to the institution.

If your loved one is unfit or consents, your role as a caregiver could also consist of planning their medical appointments, accompanying them and, in some cases, ensuring that the necessary care and services are provided in a timely manner.

Your role could also be to communicate with medical staff and manage administrative tasks such as managing finances, insurance, legal documents, etc.

As a caregiver, if your loved one is unfit or consents, you may also have to monitor the quality of care and services they receive, ask questions about their health and act as the person who represents them in the event of a loss of autonomy.

Go to the Legal protection page to find out the different protective measures.

If you think a situation is problematic, your role will be to:

• support or represent your loved one according to your wishes and ability;
• make sure they receive the best possible care and services;
• make sure they continue to live with respect and dignity.

In this case, do not hesitate to ask questions and make your voice heard in the institution.

If you think that your loved one is experiencing a situation of mistreatment, for example their health is deteriorating, you feel their choices are limited or the care they are offered is inadequate, go to the page Recognizing mistreatment of older adults and vulnerable people, which will provide you with the information and tools you need in this situation.

Le rôle de la personne proche aidante auprès d’une personne vivant en résidence privée pour aînés, Fédération des centres d'assistance et d'accompagnement aux plaintes (CAAP) (in French only)

Once your loved one is living in their new living environment, you will have to adapt to new schedules and routines established by the institution. You will also have to plan your visits to their living environment to spend time with them. So you will have to find a new balance to reconcile your new role and your personal life.