Alcohol consumption, drug use and gambling: helping teenagers

Teenagers may be tempted by new experiences, such as drinking alcohol, using drugs or gambling. For most young people, these experiences are short-lived and are not a major focus in their lives. For others, they can become very important.

As a parent, you can help your teen make informed choices about drinking, drug use and gambling. You can also provide help and support them if their drinking, drug use or gambling becomes problematic.

The fact that your teen has consumed alcohol or other drugs or gambled does not mean they have a problem. Most people have experimented in this way, sometimes simply out of curiosity.

For most young people, episodes of alcohol or drug consumption are temporary and will not be a major focus in their lives. In such cases, the cost, effects, fear of consequences and harm done to their health are convincing enough to keep them in control.

Some young people like to drink, use drugs or gamble with friends. So, they choose when to drink, use drugs or gamble and know when to stop.

For young people who occasionally drink, use drugs or gamble, it:

• does not cause problems with their family and friends
• does not interfere with their studies or work
• does not cause problems for them with the law
• does not cause money problems for them

For some young people, drinking, using drugs or gambling becomes a major focus in their lives. It becomes their priority. Their social activities, such as parties and get-togethers with their friends, revolve around one of these habits.

These young people can experience various problems with their family, their friends, at school or at work. They can spend a lot of their savings on alcohol, drugs or gambling. Over time, they may experience psychological distress associated with their alcohol or drug use or their interest in gambling. These activities can stop being fun. They can continue to drink, use drugs and gamble, despite the problems caused by these habits.

A change in the attitude, behaviour or habits of a young person who uses alcohol or other drugs or gambles may be a sign that they are at risk of developing problems related to their alcohol or drug use or gambling. For example, they might:

• isolate themselves more and more or change friends
• lose interest in activities, hobbies or sports they used to enjoy
• have problems at or miss school or work
• be moody, be more depressed
• need money, etc.

To learn more about drinking, drug use or gambling or to get help, consult the Help and resources section.

Even if your teen’s drinking, drug use or gambling is not high risk, you can help them make informed choices, for example:

• Encourage them to say what they think. Teach them to say “no” when necessary and to respect other people when they say "no"
• Put them in a decision-making position: allow them to buy their own clothes, manage their pocket money, etc.
• Teach them how to:
  • manage difficult situations
  • set goals
  • tolerate waiting to get what they want
  • accept being told “no”
• Help them develop their judgment. For instance, you can ask their opinion about a current event, an advertisement, a show they saw, etc.
• Teach them how to solve their own problems: help them find solutions to their difficulties, choose the best one and apply it
• Encourage them to ask for help if they need it, for themselves or for someone else, and praise them if they do
• Highlight their qualities and help them to develop them. Support them in their efforts and highlight their successes so that they are able to build self-confidence
• Help them adopt healthy lifestyle habits regarding diet, physical activity, sleep, relaxation, etc.
• Encourage them to take part in leisure activities that make them feel good
• Instead of frightening them about drinking, other drugs use and gambling, help them find accurate and credible information. Be aware of what they might be experiencing and hearing in this regard
• Inform them in an objective way. This way, you will be more likely to maintain a relationship of trust with them

You can also discuss strategies with them to limit their drinking, drug use or gambling. For example:

• Use humour to turn down offers: “No thanks, I’m allergic!”
• Find a friend who does not drink or use drugs. Not being alone in the situation will make it easier to resist pressure
• Suggest an alternative activity or a compromise instead of drinking or using drugs. For example, going to see a movie or doing a sport

If you suspect or notice that your teen is drinking, using drugs or gambling frequently or if you know that one of their friends does so and you are worried about their influence over your teen, find a way to bring up the subject with your teen calmy (avoiding anger or ultimatums).

Even if your teen challenges what you say and do, your attitude as a parent still matters. It is still your role to set limits, let them know what your expectations of them are and remind them that you care about their health and safety. Even if it seems as if your teen does not listen to you anymore, you have a lot of influence over them. Try to understand why they are drinking or using drugs and thank them if they confide in you.

If your teen is under the influence of alcohol or other drugs, first of all, you must make sure they are safe. If they show advanced signs of intoxication, avoid leaving them alone. If you are concerned about their health, call 911. If you are unsure of the severity of the intoxication or need advice on what to do, call Info-Santé 811 or the Centre antipoison du Québec at 1-800-463-5060. A nurse will tell you exactly what to do depending on your teen's condition.

In most cases, it is best to wait for the initial effects of alcohol or drugs to wear off before broaching the subject with your teen. Be patient and stay calm.

It is best not to contradict your teen if they say strange things. They are a reflection of how they feel. Take the time to listen to them.

Allow your teen to experience their “high” in a quiet place. It is no use starting a long discussion because they are not in a state to understand what is happening. However, if you are unsure about their health, ask them what drug they took and how much they took

If you want to have a discussion with your teen, do not be afraid of taking the lead. Calmly broach the subject when they are not under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Tell them what you observe and how you feel about them drinking, using drugs or gambling, for instance, by saying “I’m worried”, I don’t understand”, etc. Listen to your teen and show interest in what they say and what they perceive.

Allowing your teen to express what they are experiencing or feeling will help you to understand the reasons behind their drinking, drug use or gambling. So, if drinking, using other drugs or gambling appears to be an escape, help them find other ways to meet their needs or solve their problems. Show your support.

Help your teen find accurate and credible information on alcohol, other drugs or gambling and on their effects. Encourage them to get informed so they can make informed choices.

Remember that teenagers tend to communicate better and fully understand the situation:

• if you are open to learning more on the subject
• if you allow your teen to voice their thoughts on the subject

Help your teen limit the risks associated with their drinking, drug use or gambling. Advise them to:

• Alternate between non-alcoholic or low alcohol drinks and alcoholic drinks
• Agree with a friend to look out for each other
• Plan for the context (e.g., the place, the presence of trusted people, the maximum amount they will use, help if necessary)
• Determine how they are going to get home before they go out: designated driver, taxi, public transit
• Avoid doing risky activities (such as using machinery or tools, swimming, etc.) after drinking or using drugs
• Do not mix different substances
• Do not mix alcohol and energy drinks
• If they are gambling, set an amount of money in advance and do not exceed it

Your teen should bear the consequences of their actions themselves. This could mean, for example, explaining their absences from school or their poor grades themselves or paying off their debts.

With the youngest teenagers, you can supervise them and show an interest in their outings, their friends or how they spend their pocket money.

Your role changes as your teen gets older. You can no longer protect them the same way as when they were younger.

Your role as parent could then be as follows:

• Be aware of what they are experiencing
• Maintain a good rapport with them regardless of what they do
• Share your joys and concerns about them
• Be receptive to the problems they are facing
• Share your values and what is important to you, even if they appear to ridicule them at times

The situation your teen is in can make you feel a lot of worry or even a sense of guilt. Here are a few suggestions to help you manage it better:

• Despite your negative emotions, focus your energy on what actions you can take to help them. Do not hesitate to ask for help for yourself, if necessary
• You may be tempted to believe that the problem will solve itself, but ignoring the problem might make it worse
• Do not expect to be perfect. If you make mistakes, see them as lessons learn that will allow you to improve the next time
• Listen to your teenager. Share your fears and find ways together to reduce the risks associated with their drinking, drug use or gambling. For example, pick them up when they have been drinking to prevent them from driving or being a passenger in a vehicle driven by a person who has been drinking

By what you say or what you do, let your teen know that you are listening; this may encourage them to talk more.

Encourage your teen to say how they feel. Check with them to make sure that you understood what they were trying to say correctly. Several discussions may be needed for you to be able to understand each other.

Do not try to fill the silences in the conversation: they can be important moments of reflection.

Be yourself. Without telling them everything, do not be afraid to admit to your teen that you have made mistakes too. Sharing is important to show the lessons you have learned (what you have learned is more important than the actual situations).

Recognize the importance of what your teen tells you. Do not minimize what they say.

When your teen’s behaviours related to drinking, drug use or gamblingaffect your and your family’s well-being, set boundaries for what you are or are not willing to accept. Make rules that you are comfortable with and that reflect your values and lifestyle choices. A clear framework, which you respect too, is reassuring and shows your teen that they are important to you and that you care about them.

Certain adult behaviours can facilitate and encourage teens to continue drinking, using drugs or gambling. You should avoid:

• Covering up your teen’s wrongdoings and blunders, tolerating unacceptable behaviour or simply ignoring the problem. Even if you do so with the best of intentions, it can be damaging to your teen and their ability to assume their responsibilities
• Downplaying the seriousness of your teen’s substance use or gambling problem. It is better to deal with the situation in an honest and realistic way. Acknowledging there is a problem means that more effective action can be taken to solve it

If you would like to get help or information about alcohol, other drugs or gambling, there are people available to help you, listen to you and help you find solutions without judgment. To learn more, contact:

• your integrated health and social services centre (CISSS) or your integrated university health and social services centre (CIUSSS). To find their contact information, go to the page Finding your CISSS or your CIUSSS
• Tel-jeunes Parents: 1-800-361-5085
• Drugs: Help and Referral: 1-800-265-2626
• Gambling: Help and Referral: 1-800-461-0140