Caregivers: navigating grief after the death of a loved one

The death of your loved one is an important event that often brings many changes. Each person experiences it differently. Over time, people may feel the need to redefine or organize their daily lives or to find certain points of reference. The process is unique for each person. It can evolve at a different pace and include several stages.

When preceded by a period of caregiving, death represents not only the end of physical contact with your loved one, but also the conclusion of your identity as a caregiver, or part of it.

The post-caregiver stage refers to the period after the active role of caregiver has come to an end. It affects caregivers of all ages and can result from different life situations, including the death of the person who is being cared for.

Accepting this change means facing a new reality, leaving a life organized around the support given to another person and the responsibilities that come with it, but also the end of time shared with this loved one.

The loss of your loved one could trigger unexpected reactions. You may tend to suppress your emotions or feel a mixture of sadness, anxiety, frustration as well as relief tinged with guilt or a sense of helplessness.

These reactions can fluctuate in intensity and duration, depending on the time and energy you invested in your role, as well as the unique nature of your relationship with your loved one and your experience. Ambivalence and a range of emotions are normal. The important thing is to embrace your emotions without denying them and without judging yourself.

Suggestions:

• Stop, embrace your emotions and try to identify them.
• Allow yourself to feel them, whatever they are, and tell yourself that feeling relieved or feeling relieved and guilty at the same time can be normal. All emotions are legitimate.
• Accept that emotions can come and go and not be constant.
• Share your emotions with one or more people you trust who can listen and support you.
• Do not hesitate to ask for help from a health worker by calling 811, option 2, or someone close to you, if you feel the need for it.

When your caregiving responsibilities end, you suddenly have more free time. This can be a shock, especially if you used to be very busy and your life was punctuated by medical appointments and providing support to the person you were caring for on a daily basis.

As a caregiver, you took on many responsibilities with your loved one and it can be difficult to determine what to do next. Take the time to think about your aspirations and what you want for yourself for the future. Be kind to yourself in this process.

Suggestions:

• Take advantage of free time to reconnect with yourself.
• Allow yourself time for activities that you did not have time to do or that you neglected along the way and which you enjoy.
• Explore activities or accept invitations that you might have turned down in the past.

After going through a more or less long period of providing support, many caregivers accumulate physical and emotional fatigue. This state of exhaustion usually occurs after having endured a heavy mental load or significant stress for a long time.

This fatigue can have repercussions on various aspects of your life, including changes in appetite, pain, sleep problems and other physical and emotional manifestations. You may also feel unable to do some daily tasks, maintain focus or get organized effectively.

It is important to recognize these signs and take care of yourself during this period by maintaining a healthy lifestyle and resting.

Suggestions:

• Adopt a good sleep routine (go to bed and get up at regular times).
• Give yourself time to get enough sleep. Rest can help release body tension and energize you (try to get 7 to 8 hours of sleep or take a nap during the day).
• Enjoy natural light, nature, walking, as much as you can.

Caring for a loved one takes time. This situation often leads caregivers to distance themselves from those around them.

After the death of your loved one, if you would like to see particular people again, do not hesitate to take the initiative to organize get togethers and to get closer to the people you could not see during the period when your loved one needed your help.

Suggestions:

• Ask yourself which people you want to spend time with or reconnect with.
• Do activities you are familiar with and which you are comfortable with in an environment that is convenient for you.

Taking stock of what you have experienced can help you take a step back, understand the emotions you felt while caregiving better and determine which of the skills and knowledge you acquired can be transferred to other areas.

As a caregiver, this process of reflection can also help you prepare for the future and deal with similar situations. Indeed, the status of caregiver can be temporary, but it can also happen again. So this process of reflection is an opportunity to get to know yourself better and to acquire strategies in order to assume these responsibilities.

You can also choose to put the experience behind you, which does not mean erasing it, but rather making the choice to turn the page and explore new opportunities and personal goals.

Suggestions:

• Take stock of your caregiver journey by listing:
  • three things you are grateful for;
  • two things you learned;
  • two lessons you can learn from the experience;
  • mistakes, regrets or difficult choices you made while caregiving and which you would like to forgive yourself for;
  • what you would like to change now to improve your physical and mental well-being.
• Join a group of former caregivers to share your experience.

Watch the video Rendez-vous JuridiQC #15: Après la proche aidance: la “post-aidance” et le deuil (In French only)